The Paradoxical Joy of Being a Stay At Home Mom #ThisIsBliss (+ WIN a $4,000 Grand Prize!)

I never wanted to have a career – if you can believe it, in this day and age, my very un-feminist dream has always been to get married, have some babies and stay at home to raise them.

As is the case with most things, the reality of being a stay at home mom has been a much less perfect experience than the life that I had always dreamed about.
In my head, I pictured mornings around the kitchen table making crafts, paintings, and macaroni art with the kids.
In reality, mornings consist poopy diapers, breaking up toddler fights, and struggling to remain patient with the literally endless stream of conversation and questions coming out of the mouth of my 3 year old.
I pictured daily trips to the park where the kids played with friends in the neighbourhood and I relaxed with a book in the shade, keeping an eye on the kids; reality is a park trip every other day with the kids climbing all over ME instead of the jungle gym.
I pictured a pristine house and a roast beef dinner on the table every day at 5:30pm on the dot; reality is piles of laundry on the kitchen island, an inch of dust on the tv, coats and shoes EVERYWHERE, and sub-par dinners that make it to the table at the stroke of 6:47pm.
I pictured snuggling up with the kids on the couch, reading to them every day for an hour; reality is me pleading with them to go find something to do by themselves for JUST TEN MINUTES so that I can empty the dishwasher.
It’s not that we don’t do crafts and paint and go to the park and read together and have very tasty meals  – it’s just that these things seem like the exception rather than the norm. I don’t know about yours, but my life isn’t a 50’s & 60’s sitcom where the kids are perfect and I’m filled with endless energy and patience. Our budget doesn’t allow me to stay at home with the kids without babysitting other kids, and even then – it just barely ‘works.’ I LOVE having this blog as a creative outlet, and the awesome friends that I’ve made because of it have helped me adjust to life without the workplace friendships and water cooler chatter, and while it’s not high on the revenue list it certainly encourages me to keep crafting and cooking with and for the kids.
Some days, I look longingly over at the half empty bottle of wine at 3pm and wish that I could just pour a glass, sink into the couch, and disappear into my latest Netflix marathon. The constant chatter, the toddler screams, the dramatic sobbing sessions when things don’t go their way, the fighting over the blue doll stroller, the “I don’t LIKE that supper!”, the “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, MOMMY!! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy? Mommy?” throughout the whole day… well, there are some very long days. And my ears get so very tired.
Last month, however, I started looking at some job openings at a near by university (I spent the last 8 years of my working life as an Academic Advisor and then Campus Bookstore Manager), and realized that heading back into the workforce is something that I couldn’t do unless we were in danger of losing our house.
I love my babies.
Thinking about my 3 year old guy and the things that he says and the smile that he gives me makes me tear up. Our little 2 year old lady is a spitfire, and she’s becoming more charming and more fun to be with by the day. As exhausting as it is, I just can’t give up the few years that I have them all to my self. Soon their lives will be formed by teachers and peers. They’ll start saying phrases that someone else taught them, they’ll want to watch Star Wars because all their friends do, they’ll start talking to me about Justin Beiber (oh gosh, I hope not) and I won’t know many of the references in their conversations. They won’t be mine anymore – I mean, they will be, but not wholly.
And so, I am happy to be exhausted by them right now. I’m ok that the reality of my house and my plans with my kiddos doesn’t entirely match up with my preconceived notions. My life, right now, is my kiddos, and This is my bliss. According to Google, the definition of bliss is “perfect happiness; great joy.” While I’m not convinced that there is actually such a thing as perfect happiness, the life that I lead every single day is full of happiness and great joy – even when I’m exhausted and worn out. I am living my dream. How many people get to say that?
Last year, I attended the BlissDom Canada blogging & social media conference for the first time. Marya and I have been blogging for over 2.5 years, but until I saw a banner ad for BlissDom on someone’s blog last July we really had no idea that there was such a thing as a ‘blogging community’. We didn’t know that all of these awesome people actually knew each other and leaned on each other for help & advice! I signed up for the conference and had a fantastic time. I was nervous because we were pretty ‘small time’ bloggers – we had a free blogger template, we had only just started to do sponsored content, and for the most part, we were just fumbling around until things worked.

Through BlissDom, I made connections with other bloggers who have now become sort of life-lines for me. I’ve worked with Julie Nowell, who, at the conference, I sort of stalked but never actually talked to (because she’s kind of a big deal, and I’m really not), and Kyla from Mommy’s Weird graciously accepted me into her ‘tribe’ – I also sort of stalked her at BlissDom, but I did say, “Hey, are you Kyla? I LOVE your blog!” and then I ran away before I could embarrass myself further {nb: I have since learned that it’s almost impossible to embarrass yourself at BlissDom. Go ahead. Put yourself out there!!}. 

It was because of Blissdom that I connected with Anne from Food Retro, who also lives in Hamilton, and while we didn’t actually meet at the conference (actually we didn’t meet IRL until this past MAY!), she’s one of my best blogger sounding boards now! There were some fantastic speakers, awesome parties, and great sessions at BlissDom, but MY bliss at BlissDom was with others. Now that I’ve actually ‘met’ (via twitter, Google hangouts, & drinks at the pub) so many more of the awesome people in this community, I’m so pumped to head back this year and really dive in headfirst. 
BlissDom Canada wants YOU to share your bliss – for the chance to win one of five conference passes to BlissDom Canada in October or a $500 scholarship to the upcoming BlissDom University (your choice!).  OR. You could be the lucky winner of the grand prize, valued at over $4,000 – including a BlissDom Canada Business Builder experience and the chance to cover New York Fashion Week for Rent Frock Repeat and BlissDom Canada.

So. Tell us what YOUR bliss is! What does it mean in your world? Is bliss a quiet afternoon on the lake? Sitting on the couch with your children piled on you? Nailing a presentation at work? Head over here and enter the #ThisIsBliss contest.  Contest closes August 31, 2014,

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Jenn vanOosten

I live in Hamilton, Ontario, and love my city. I'm a Netflixer, choral music geek, bookworm, inventor of recipes (I take Artistic Licence on EVERYTHING that I make), wife of one, mother of two, and owner of a neurotic Schnauzer. I respect people who respect others. I love good food that's well done, but my favourite lunch is KD & hotdogs. With ketchup. I'm addicted to Clearance Shopping. I will ALWAYS get the product that I want at the price that I want, eventually.

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