Confessions of a Star Wars Virgin (don’t hurt me – I liked the new ones better than the originals)

Here’s my shocking confession: 

As of January 1, 2016, I had not watched a complete Star Wars movie. Like, NONE OF THEM. 

I know, right? 

Now, because I was a child of the 80′s, I am quite familiar with the Gold Bikini and that scene where *spoiler alert* Darth tells Luke that he’s his old man, but that’s about where it ended for me. 

My siblings watched them, and my friends’ older siblings watched them, but for me they were just bo-ring! 

And as an adult, it’s kind of fun to be able to shock people with this revelation – because nothing floors people like the news that someone is a complete Star Wars Virgin. (….or maybe it’s just that my friends are all nerds and geeks? That could be. Maybe this news wouldn’t be so exciting to the Cool Crowd…but I wouldn’t know, I’ve never swung that way!)

Take my friend Leslie, for example, from Real Women Drive Stick.  I told her and her first impulse was to take to Facebook and shame me into watching. Didn’t work. 

Star Wars Episode 7 Now on Netflix!!

Then Star Wars Episode 7: The Force Awakens had a Theatre release date, and my dear husband (who had only seen 1.5 of the previous 6 movies) and I decided that it was time to pop this cherry – mostly because we love watching the big movies in theatre, and you can’t legit sit in a movie theatre to watch the SEVENTH movie in a series if you haven’t seen the rest. 

So we sat down in our frigid little living room in our 100+ year old rental house and knocked off the movies, night after night. I’m sure that our chosen viewing order will anger some of you more devoted fans, because we chose to watch them in order of story sequence, not by the date that they were released. 

You know what? I actually liked the movies. Turns out, they’re not so bo-ring after all! Who knew?! 

Some Thoughts That Might Upset the Star Wars Fanatics: 

1) Jar Jar Binks is quite possibly the most annoying movie character I’ve ever come across – but that could be because I’ve never watched a feature length Caillou film. 

2) The different groups in Ep. 1 could not stereotype more ethnicities if they tried. 

3) Young Anakin is super annoying and spoiled. Also, he should not have gotten the girl. That’s just ridiculous. 

4) The first three episodes are, contrary to what most 30-40 year olds will tell you, good. Enjoyable, even! Don’t let them tell you otherwise. 

5) The special effects in Episodes 4, 5, and 6 are very amusing, but impressive given what they had to work with back then. 

6) LUKE IS A SPOILED AND WHINY BRAT who deserves to take Leia’s place in the Gold Bikini as Jabba’s little sex slave. Someone tell him to shut up!

7) If Jar Jar Binks is the most annoying movie character in history, Harrison Ford, AKA Han Solo, has to be the most conceited and…. MALE character in movie history. These two words that he utters will make you spew your wine onto the TV when Leia finally declares her love for him: 

I know. 

via GIPHY

 8) The partnership of Han Solo and Chewbacca is magic. 

9) All episodes would have suffered greatly had they not included C-3PO and R2-D2. How are clumsy chunks of metal so incredibly endearing?! They might just be the best actors in the Original 3. 

Anyhow, We somehow managed to catch Episode 7 in theatres before it stopped playing, and I have to say, I had fun. I enjoyed it – and as attached as I was to R2-D2, BB-8 stole a little tiny corner of my heart. 

Rey, Finn, and BB-8

Rey and Finn made for excellent leads and it was fun to see Han Solo a little bit more growed up (but still as cocky as ever!). 

Also, that one event near the end of the movie DEVASTATED me! I was SO ANGRY – and sad. I still am. It’s been 6 months and I’m still not over it. sigh

I have high hopes, however, that the next time I watch Star Wars: The Force Awakens this particular event will not come to pass and the proper ending will have been substituted. 

wishful thinking? 

But guess what! The Force Awakens is actually now on Netflix!! Now that I’ve watched the whole series, I do actually intend to watch them again – because the first time I was focused on trying to figure out this whole world – I still can’t tell you who’s from Tatooine and what happened on Alderaan. This next time, I want to enjoy the story a little more. And maybe make these super cute Wookie Cookies to munch on as I work on my Super Geek Badge. 

Star Wars Wookie Cookie!!

 Actually, if you really want your Super Geek Badge, you’re going to have to go check out The Clone Wars, seasons 1-6, and the Star Wars: The Clone Wars feature film. I haven’t watched them yet, but I imagine that they’ll probably get added to my husband’s and my “Watch Together” list. Actually, Hey Netflix! That should be a THING! You should let us earmark movies and shows that our significant others are NOT ALLOWED TO WATCH without us!! 

The Clone Wars - now on Netflix!

 

Disclaimer: I’m a member of the Netflix Stream Team. They give us special treats and sometimes invite us to super awesome parties, but all thoughts and opinions and words are our own. We love them a lot, and we think that you should, too. Have you seriously not signed up yet?! 

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Jenn vanOosten

I live in Hamilton, Ontario, and love my city. I'm a Netflixer, choral music geek, bookworm, inventor of recipes (I take Artistic Licence on EVERYTHING that I make), wife of one, mother of two, and owner of a neurotic Schnauzer. I respect people who respect others. I love good food that's well done, but my favourite lunch is KD & hotdogs. With ketchup. I'm addicted to Clearance Shopping. I will ALWAYS get the product that I want at the price that I want, eventually.

One comment

  1. Facebook shaming might not have worked the first time round, but it haunted you so much you knew you had succumb! Now I can respect you again. xoxo

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